“I said, ‘Roopirt, I’m gonna tell you what my dad told me. He said to always remember: no matter how much you like a girl, remember that she’s not the catch - you are. You don’t need no fucking Total Gym. You’re the best fucking logger in Fort Frankforp. Fort McMurray even. Hell, you’re probably the best fucking logger in the whole Municipality. If this ‘chick with the big jugs’, or whatever you call her, doesn’t like you, it’s her fucking loss. Roopirt, any stripper at Showgirls should want to be with a guy like you. And I mean that.’
         “And then, Roopirt got all teary eyed and said, ‘Ya know, Darcy. Yer not jes’ ma friend. Yer ma brother,’ And then he fuckin’ hugged me and I told him I was his brother- ”
         “Ha!” laughed Eric, “And then did you guys start making out?”
         “Eric, shut up.” said Darcy, “I fuckin’ told you we were drunk and sentimental.”
         Dennis Blackmore, still reading his newspaper, piped up for the first time.
         “Sounds pretty queer to me,” he said.
         “Yeah, Darcy,” said Dick, “I think you found yourself a new boyfriend.”
         “Oh, fuck you guys.” said Darcy, “Like none of you ever got sentimental and shit when you were fucking drunk.”
         “Sorry, Darse,” said Rod, joining in on the fun, “I have to side with them this time. I think you and Roopirt were meant for eachother.”
         “Oh, fuck all of you.” said Darcy, standing up so abruptly he knocked his coffee over, “I don’t need to take this shit. I’m going to work.”
         “No, you’re not!” Eric shouted after him, “You’re gonna go sleep in the breaker building.” Darcy just waved a hand at him as he walked off.


         Later on, as Todd was out on the plant doing his rounds, he found Darcy Dwayne sleeping off his hangover in the breaker building. Todd walked up and down the panels, taking his readings, when Darcy woke up.
         “Hey, Todd,” he mumbled, his eyes still half closed.
         “Hey, Darcy,” replied Todd. He continued to take his readings and then said, “Say, how’d you even make it in this morning?”
         “Well,” said Darcy, “Roopirt’s got this old GMC pick-up. ‘77 Sierra Classic. Green, white and rusty as hell. Uses it for logging.”
         “Yeah,” said Todd, “and so, what? He gave you a ride to work?”
         “Yeah,” said Darcy, “but first we had to use it to pull his car out of the ditch.”
         Todd laughed, “But you made it to work alright. He didn’t crash into any more ditches, right?”
         Darcy chuckled, his eyes still half closed, “Nope,” he said, “Roopirt somehow managed to get me to work without incident.”
         “That’s shocking.” said Todd.
         “You know what? I was surprised, too.” Darcy settled more deeply into his chair and fell back to sleep and Todd went back to doing his rounds.
         Later on, in the afternoon, Todd himself had a nap in the breaker building and dreamed of another threesome - this time with two brunettes. He got up, finished off his work day, gave his radio to the night-shift guy, changed out of his coveralls and walked back to the gate to get on the shuttle-bus going home. And as his bus was driving down the highway back to town, he looked out the window and thought he saw, in the ditch, a man with a huge orange mullet chainsawing a tree off the hood of a rusty, old, green pick-up.


THE END